Childcare: Who’s In Charge? Nanny’s Not You!
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The unfortunate consequences of too much parental absence arise in different places. Children can be disrespectful toward other authority figures such as teachers or coaches, displaying an attitude of arrogance or indifference. They may be materially or behaviorally indulged as a result of parental guilt, and so are less respectful of rules outside the home or the feelings or property of others. At the core of this behavior, what often appears as anger is really a deep sadness because of feelings of rejection. What children may claim to intellectually understand and accept — Mom has a very important job, Do you know what she does?, Dad has to travel a lot, so many people depend on him, Do you know who he works for? Did you see his name on television, in the newspaper? — often conceals sadness and envy of the people with whom the parents spend more of their time. Children can also become envious of the friends whose parents they see around the home more regularly and who they see spending more time together as a family.
What parents can do:
• When age-appropriate, arrange family meetings and include all family members and the nanny. Discuss the rules and regulations, and how infractions in the parents’ absence will be handled. This gives both children and nanny a feeling of power and respect in regard to the decisions being made.
• Respect the nanny’s work hours; time for needed replenishment means more physical and emotional energy for childcare.
• Adjust rules as necessary; children’s needs and requirements change with age.
• Reserve special family time and stay committed to it. Turn off cell phones.
• In families with more than one child, parents can spend time with each child separately; this reminds the child of his own uniqueness and special status with each parent.
• Set limits and enforce them with consistency. This provides feelings of safety, nurturance and caring. Set curfews with older children; know where children are and with whom.
• Don’t be afraid to ask questions. The cliché, “no news is good news”, does not apply with parenting.